The Rant: NHL - Top 5 Things that SUCK

The Rant: NHL - Top 5 Things that SUCK

Before you begin to compose your hate-mail, please keep in mind that this is an opinion-based hit piece. Once in a while it is nice to just purge all of the annoying things in one’s mind. Thus “The Rant.”

      5.   Rene Rancourt

     On this one, let us just cut to the chase… Rene YOU SUCK! Please, for God’s sake, retire and head off to a raisin ranch, where you belong! And, what is with the fist-pump while you are singing…??? Do you think you are Elvis…??? Does is make you feel like a tough-guy…??? Hang it up! With few exceptions, your rendition of the National Anthem is the worst I have ever had the displeasure of enduring. I do not care that you have been doing it since the early 1800’s… YOU SUCK! TAKE A HIKE!

 

      4.     Alex Ovechkin’s mug

     Ovie, Ovie, Ovie… For the love of God, you are a multimillionaire, do something about the nasty under-bite! Take some of your vast fortune and get your grill fixed, it is offensive! There is an off-season for a reason… So guys like you can take care of crap like that! Now GO DO IT!

 

3.     Matt Cooke

     Has there ever been a dirtier player in the history of the NHL…??? I’m not sure. In my opinion, Matt Cooke makes old-time goons like Marty McSorley look like a sugarplum fairy… I realize the Pens are doing their very best to BUY a Stanley Cup Championship (See this season’s acquisitions – Morrow, Iggy, etc.), but why would you want a cheap-shot artist like Cooke on your team? BTW, how is that whole trying to buy a cup thing working out for you, Bylsma…??? That’s what I thought…

 

2.     Allowing icing during a power play

     Hey’ NHL rules committee, here’s an idea for you… If you really want to make the game more exciting, increase scoring, decrease penalties, and make the Power Play a TRUE Power Play, then do away with allowing the short-handed team to ice the puck! That’s right, MAKE THEM PLAY HOCKEY! Give the Power Play some teeth! Make it a TRUE disadvantage for the short-handed team! Then, teams will be forced to become more disciplined and commit fewer penalties. However, when they do have to send a player to the sin bin, their team will be forced to play without the luxury of icing the puck. Hockey is supposed to be tough! I realize that there are those who like a weak sport with weak rules, but they are called baseball fans, NOT hockey fans!

 

    

1.     Fans that do not remove their hats for the National Anthem

As someone who spent 20+ years in the United States Air Force, this one really torques my jaws! I’ll make this one short… Have some respect for the flag and your country, and TAKE YOUR HATS OFF! You’re not at home in the trailer park! Get with the program! Even someone from Iowa knows better than to leave their hat on during the National Anthem! C’mon people…

 

Expect the Unexpected

Expect the Unexpected

     If there is one thing I have learned about the NHL over the years when it comes to the Stanley Cup playoffs, it is to expect the unexpected. Just when you think you have the outcomes of all the matchups figured out, an underdog rises from the ashes to pull off a miracle. That is what makes the NHL great! Pull up your breezers folks; it’s time for another trip down memory lane…    

     At the risk of publically exposing myself for the Devils homer that I am, I want to revisit the 1995 Stanley Cup Finals, featuring NJ and Detroit. It was widely speculated that the juggernaut Red Wings would sweep the Devils. However, the exact opposite happened. Detroit ultimately had no answer for New Jersey’s trap game, and as a result, NJ took Detroit out behind the wood shed, destroying the Wings and sweeping the series.

     In yet another shameless homer example, I would also like to remind Flyers fans of their team’s monumental collapse in the 2000 NHL playoffs against New Jersey. The Devils were down 3 games to 1 in the series, that is, until Scott Stevens delivered a devastating open-ice check which left Eric Lindros unconscious and slobbering on the ice. That hit changed the series. New Jersey dominated from that point on and went on the win the series, and ultimately the Stanley Cup. However, things have not always worked to the Devils’ favor in the playoffs…

     In the first round of the 2009 Stanley Cup Playoffs, New Jersey was leading the Carolina Hurricanes in game 7, by a score of 3 to 2, and then the seemingly impossible happened. With just 1:20 remaining in period 3, Jussi Jokinen and Eric Staal each scored goals in a span of just 48 seconds to stun the Devils and win the game in regulation. Even the Canes were shocked by Marty “The Sieve” Brodeur’s collapse, allowing back-to-back SOFT goals that handed them the series on a silver platter.    

     There are many examples in which the NHL playoffs have yielded big surprises year after year. The 2006 NHL post season had the Edmonton Oilers, an 8 seed, make it all of the way to the finals. The L.A. Kings were also an 8 seed last year, and ended up winning the cup over the 6 seed Devils. And lastly, in one of the biggest shockers of recent memory, the 2010 NHL playoffs had the Flyers leading the Bruins 3 games to 0, and by a score of 3-0 in game 4, only to choke and lose the series. The moral of the story here is, a team is NEVR out of it until the series is over! Just because your team may be at elimination’s door, do not give up on them! There is always hope! If the fat lady starts warning up her pipes, tell her to sit down and shut up!

Where have all the Goon-Times Gone?

Cue-up the Van Halen, and put on your favorite old-time hockey fights DVD, it’s time to talk goons! Is it just me, or are present-day NHL enforcers just watered down, knockoff versions of the real deal…??? Think back to the 1990’s when fights and outright bench-clearing brawls were commonplace in the NHL. That environment virtually made mandatory the signing of at least one enforcer (or as I like to call them, goons) on each team. Imagine for a minute the physical punishment that would have been endured by snipers like Yzerman and Fedorov without big Bob Probert around. What kind of real success would Brett Hull have had with St. Louis without Tony Twist watching his back? Would Jeremy Roenick have been able to enjoy the success he had in helping the Blackhawks get to the Stanley Cup Finals without Stu Grimson patrolling the ice? In those scenarios, messing with one of the star players would certainly mean risking your health, and ending up spitting out a mouthful of Chiclets would be the least of your worries. Remember when Tony Twist crushed Rob Ray’s eye socket…??? Ah yes, those were the good old days…

     When I watch the enforcers of today, they just don’t seem (in my opinion) to have that same presence about them that the goons of the 1990’s had. Fights occur far less often in today’s NHL than in the 1990’s, and when they do, with rare exception, there is more dancing and wrestling than the throwing of haymaker bombs. That has to make Marty McSorley and the enforcers of his day embarrassed for this new breed of wannabe enforcers. At least when Chris Nilan and other true enforcers of 1980’s handed over the reins to the next generation, they had to have taken heart in knowing there was a more than capable crew waiting in the wings to carry on the role. I dread the thought of what “enforcers” will be like in another 10 or 15 years… Will they be reduced to using harsh language and face washing against one another…??? I hope not…

     While the role of the enforcer is clearly not what it once was, there are still those of us who will always be huge fans of the old school goons. I practice what I preach. Everything hockey that I associate myself with is connected in some way to old-time goon hockey. I loved the role of the old-time enforcer, and will always do my best to keep those memories alive. My Twitter ID is Goon24, my NHL jersey sales (Goon-Gear Rare and Vintage NHL Hockey Jerseys), for which I am the sole proprietor (specializing in goons to a large extent), is http://webstore.com/~goongear and my hockey jersey blog is http://goon-gear.blogspot.com/ are you seeing the theme here? As long as I am able to draw breath, I will always be a fan of the old-school NHL enforcer culture. Hopefully, some of the old-school will begin to rub off on to the new-school… NOW, DROP THE GLOVES!!!  

A Snapshot in Time

           A Snapshot in Time

     As an avid collector of NHL jerseys (sweaters for our friends to the north), I have always wondered why fans tend to be more than willing to part with, or outright dispose of  jerseys crested with players who are no longer with that team. I have always looked at each individual jersey as a snapshot in time. Out of the 200+ NHL jerseys in my personal collection, I would be hard-pressed to find even one crested with a player who is still with that team. Each jersey in my collection reminds me of exciting NHL seasons past. For example, as a huge New Jerseys Devils fan, I cannot imagine willingly parting with my Jason Arnott jersey. While Arnott has not been with the Devils for quite some time, that jerseys will always remind me of the Devils’ cup win against Dallas following the 99/00 season. I remember Arnott’s cup clinching-goal in the second OT of game six like it was yesterday. See what I mean? If you let them, your jerseys will serve as time markers in NHL history. In my humble opinion, this is particularly true for jerseys crested with retired or deceased players, as well as NHL All Star games.  

     I would like to urge my fellow NHL jersey collectors, and NHL fans to reconsider before discarding or selling their “outdated” jerseys. If you look at them as memorabilia, and let them live on as reminders of exciting plays, games, and seasons past, you will be glad you kept them. However, if all of my attempts to convince you to keep your old NHL jerseys have failed, please know that I am always happy to make room for your soon-to-be homeless Burger King, and Wild Wing jerseys, as well as several of others, LOL! My friends, the days of CCM, KOHO, Starter, Bauer, and Pro Player NHL jerseys are long gone. If for no other reasons, hold on to them for their future value. Some of the aforementioned jerseys had only a brief life in the NHL, and as a result are highly sought after, and many are very hard to find. If you do not want to keep your jerseys for sentimental reasons, at least do your homework to see if they hold any monetary value. You might be surprised to find that old closet full of jerseys in the spare room is actually worth something. NHL jersey research can be fun, as well as educational. Happy hunting!